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The “Peanut Butter” Fix for Thoughtless Relatives
With a little preparation—and your favorite non sequitur—once-dreaded family gatherings can be lots of fun.
by Michele Novotni, Ph.D. |
Samantha adores her family. But for years the prospect of family get-togethers filled her with dread. The intricate planning needed to pull off such gatherings made her anxious. She worried that her AD/HD would make it hard to hold her own in conversations with far-flung family members, many of whom she didn't know well. Inevitably, one of her relatives would make an insensitive or cutting remark, to which she didn't know how to respond. She wound up deflated, resentful, angry.
No longer. Now, if a relative uncorks a zinger, Samantha smiles and says, "Peanut butter." It stops people every time. What can one say to a non sequitur like that?
Here's how to make the most of your next family outing:
- Don't assume you're the only one in your family who has AD/HD. The disorder has a hereditary basis. If you have it, odds are, one of your relatives does too. If someone behaves inappropriately or says something offensive, consider the possibility that this person may mean no harm. Comments that seem harsh or cruel may simply be unfiltered.
- Watch for medication lapses. If you or someone else at the gathering takes AD/HD medication, see to it that everybody's symptoms are covered throughout. Nothing makes for a more "interesting" family get-together than having several folks come off their medication at the same time. If possible, schedule the gathering for a time of day when a lack of coverage is unlikely.
Get help with child care. Even in situations where there are plenty of adults around to watch the kids, it's often a good idea to hire a baby-sitter or two. The extra help will allow you to interact with other adults without any of you having to keep an eye on the kids.
- Keep background noise to a minimum. People with AD/HD often have trouble communicating in noisy environments. When conversing with others, don't stand close to a band, loudspeaker, or other source of sound. If you're particularly sensitive to noise, invest in a noise-canceling headset, such as the ones made by Bose. If anyone gives you a funny look, just tell the truth.
- Take breaks as needed. Talking and listening take a lot of energy. If you grow tired of talking, take a break and join a game of catch.
- Many people with inattentive AD/HD find high-energy social events too much to handle for very long. If you find yourself overwhelmed, find a quiet place where you can regroup. Take a walk, run an errand, or lie down for a nap.
If your AD/HD is the hyperactive type, physical activity will burn off some excess energy. Lend a hand in the kitchen, play with the kids, or serve drinks. David used to feel trapped in the family room as relatives went on and on with their stories. But once he gave himself permission to take short exercise breaks, he found he actually enjoyed his relatives' tales.
Prepare in advance to handle zingers. Imagine that someone says "You look like you've gained weight," or "You need to do a better job of disciplining your child." How will you respond? You might simply smile and say "Thanks for caring about me." If all else fails, you can always utter your own version of "peanut butter."
Michele Novotni, Ph.D., is a psychologist and coach in private practice in Wayne, Pennsylvania.
This article was reprinted with the permission of ADDitude Magazine.
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Click here for other great articles on ADHD from ADDitude Magazine!
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March's Featured Tools
In this month's Medical Practice Updates column, Dr. Richard Rubin referred to the co-morbidity of ADHD and sleep disorders in children.
The National Sleep Foundation (www.sleepfoundation.org) offers many educational brochures, tools, and worksheets for understanding, evaluating, and treating sleep problems in children and adolescents.
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The Sleep Diary , for example, explains to children why sleep is important to stay healthy and safe and offers tips to help children get a good night's sleep.
One section of the diary asks children to track how much caffeinated drinks they had each day of the week and the activities they participated in one hour before going to bed.
Another section iquires about how well they slept, if they had trouble falling asleep, and what disturbed their sleep each night. In this section, the child charts how much sleep he or she got last night.
The next section of the Sleep Diary asks how the child felt at the end of the day, i.e. whether he or she was full of energy, alert, able to pay attention in school, etc.
Another section encourages the child to compare how he or she felt on days when sleep problems occurred versus when sleep was fine.
You can view the National Sleep Foundation's Sleep Diary .
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For additional articles and resources on ADHD visit these sites:
myADHD.com online library:
www.myadhd.com/librarytools.html
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www.add.org
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myADHD.com news is an e-publication of Health Link Systems, Inc. This publication is sponsored by myADHD.com, A.D.D. WareHouse, and the National Association for Continuing Education. Information presented here is not intended to replace the advice of a physician or other health care professional. Placement of an advertisement in this e-newsletter does not represent an endorsement of any advertised products or services or the validity of any claims advertised. Copyright 2006 by Health Link Systems, Inc. For comments or information, please send an email to: info@myadhd.com, subject line: myADHD.com News.
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